Chasing the Light Together Blog No. 7

Julie’s Thoughts on Things she could be better at:

Each night as I’m getting ready for bed, I think about my plan for the next day.  I usually at least mentally create my to-do list, figure out what time I have to get up and set my intention for what I will accomplish.  When I crawl into bed, if this plan is not articulated in my mind or if the list is overly long, I struggle with sleep.  At this point in my life, I fully recognize this is all a privilege. 

I used to have little control over my bedtime and wake up and my day was packed to the gills with the life of an educator.  There was never enough gas in the tank nor enough lead in my pencil to cross off my to-do list and several times a day I dealt with a student in crisis.  This resulted in a list that overflowed from one day to the next. Yet, there was a certain structure to the routine and while I was often unbelievably tired, I did not melt down at the thought of my endless list.

My life is so different now.  While I’m still creating task lists, it is rare that I go to bed with more than a single item from that day’s list uncrossed off. Part of me knows there’s a certain comfort in my list making routine, but it’s the discomfort when my day falls apart that I wish I could be better at.

When something or someone disrupts this plan I’ve created, it often feels like the world is ending.  I feel anxious and distressed, when in reality, I may just need to move a task or two to the next day.  There’s no life on the line here if a craft doesn’t get finished and few will notice if a blog doesn’t go out when I hope it will. 

And as I write these words out for you to read, maybe I’ve stumbled upon what my subconscious has never been able to articulate before.  Maybe the reason I get so frustrated when my plan falls apart is because as a small business owner, if I don’t hold myself accountable, who will?

If I don’t hustle enough to keep my business open, I will be the only one to blame.  I am not sure how many more years I will have to keep living this life I dared to dream.  So as much as I might wish to be more flexible about the errand my husband asked me to run or the call about advertising that took way longer than expected, I’m running out of time to live it.  So maybe this is what it comes down to — learning to make peace with both the plan and the pause. My lists keep me grounded, but they don’t have to keep me confined. The dream I’m living was built from years of structure, persistence, and heart, and it deserves both my discipline and my grace. Perhaps the real accomplishment isn’t crossing everything off the list, but finding contentment in knowing I’m still doing the work — and still daring to dream.

Julie creates something with her re-Design with Prima Art supplies

Rachel’s Thoughts on Things she could be better at:

Julie was out of the country when I texted her the topic I wanted to write about for this month’s blog.  I had to vomit it out to someone. I NEEDED to write about something I am really bad at, and the list is long.

Just yesterday, Julie asked what inspired this topic as I typically preach positivity.

My answer was simple.  I manifested and worked my ass off for everything I have in this very moment.  The abundance of work, the rental properties, the great relationship, the trips and even my vehicle.  We really do have an amazing life, but as I look up, there are so many spinning plates above me that if I could, I’d take one spinning plate off the stick to just get ahold of time. 

Often, probably too often, I feel like not enough butter being spread on extra crispy toast; spread too thin in hopes it reaches every side of the crust.  Somehow, with every scrape of the knife, the butter nearly reaches each edge, but at what cost? Not that this is important, but I hate extra crispy toast.  I prefer barely toasted toast. This makes this a double whammy of hate.

So, what do I suck at? Time freaking management and it’s not because I binge watched Monster on Netflix or because I take extra-long naps; it’s because I want to do it all.  Literally.

I want a booming appraisal business that changes the way others look at real estate appraisers, offering a boutique style appraisal service to all, but especially to women walking through divorce or helping a grieving family know the market value of Grandma’s beloved home.

I want to offer an outpour of clean, affordable and safe housing to those in need.  I want to move faster than just purchasing two rental properties a year.  I want to purchase a property a week, but that is not realistic. Lenders, this isn’t your prompt to start calling me saying it is possible, because it’s not.  It’s not realistic because of everything else I want to do. 

I want to go out to dinner, wear fancy dresses, celebrate life, family and friends.  I want to jump on a plane and take a million photos of Ben and I lying on the beach.  I want to spend hours on the phone catching up with friends, sending gratitude texts to those I cherish, and I also want to spend extra time with myself.  Time shopping alone, meditating and tinkering throughout my house, which is my most favorite thing to do on an early Sunday morning.

I want to pour into others by speaking on stages and in rooms full of bright, talented people.  I have this super cool gift, with help from my dad throughout my adolescence; I can set goals and create plans like a freakin’ magician. I want to show women how important they are and if they just step into their own light, magic will happen. 

And last, I also want to do nothing.  I want to be able to simmer in my jammies all weekend long with dirty hair and a half-washed face with nowhere to go.  I want, in the very pit of my soul, to not feel pressure 24/7, but diamonds, sapphires and rubies are created under pressure, and I don’t want to be a cubic zirconia.

So, when someone tells me they’re too busy, it’s a lie they comfortably tell themselves because if they wanted to, they’d find the time.

Some days I want to slow the fuck down and to just breathe, but most days I want more.  More to build, more to create, more to change and in the same sentence, more time.

Balance is a lie. We all should be living in a building, creating and doing season. Sometimes our very imbalanced seasons last longer than others, but the imbalance of it all creates sparks that ignite the next beautiful fire that not only keeps you warm, but warms others, too.

I can’t make sourdough bread every weekend, but I can make it once a month and sleeping 8 hours a night will never be my reality, but a solid 5-6 hours is always doable. I find peace and chaos in it all.  And I think that’s where the real flex lies, a chaotic calm.

Sometimes I must remind myself: Stillness does not equal failure, and I must lean into that season.

Rachel and Ben and one of their rental properties

Julie and Rachel Wrap It Up:

Julie and Rachel open up about the constant push and pull between getting it all done and giving themselves grace when things don’t go as planned. Julie knows she loves lists and structure, and recognizes it can be hard when life interrupts her carefully mapped-out days. She’s learning that her dreams were built from discipline, but they also need room to breathe and that it’s okay to pause without losing momentum. Rachel admits she wants to do everything — grow her business, travel, connect, rest, and still somehow find time to just be. She knows the idea of balance isn’t real, but she’s trying to find peace in the chaos, calling it her “chaotic calm.” Together, their words remind us that chasing our dreams and living fully isn’t about perfection. Rather it’s about learning to embrace both the plan and the pause, the hustle and the heart.